Giving to Give or Giving to Get? : Along the Path
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Giving to Give or Giving to Get?

by Eileen Owen CFLC on 01/04/11

This is a question that I have asked myself recently. Am I giving to give, or Am I giving to get?

In the past my offering has been I give in love because I love to give… My giving came from a place of there is always enough and I am so grateful. For truly I love to give! Whether it is in monetary or less tangible ways. I am a giver.

The previous less enlightened version of myself gave too much (sometimes I still do, I am practicing ; ) At that time I was giving to please others, what I thought they wanted or needed. I gave of my time, I gave to receive the fleeting feeling of contentment, I even gave when it didn’t feel right. My pattern was to put everyone else before myself. I compromised, settled and kept giving. I didn’t realize it then, now I know, this type of giving was selfish and conditional, I was giving to get.

What did I get? Compliments, praise, and the empty feeling of martyrdom. At the time, I thought that was the actions that a good person did. I was being good, nice and giving to everyone else. I gave too much of myself and realized that I had to start giving first to myself in healthy, nurturing ways.

So you may think this sounds selfish. It did take a while to get used to, putting me first when I hadn’t ever even been in the equation before. I sometimes still need reminders. Giving to myself is the way that I get refueled.  First I had to discover… What do I like? What kind of music? What kind of food? Do I really have an opinion or preference? Wow! This opened up a whole realm of discovery and possibility. And, I didn’t have to have the same likes as my partner or children. I learned autonomy, to be an individual. To you it may sound simple, to me this was unchartered territory and a quest that I still continue to hone.

With this new sense of self and a full reservoir to draw from I am back to giving to give in a healthy way where I consider the needs of my self and my family. I have added discernment and thought before I raise my hand with an eager “Yes, I will do it. “ Now I ask, Will I have enough time? Does this align with my values? Does this interfere with my current commitments? What does it cost? Once again the cost can be monetary or less tangible. The cost or the toll it may take on me and my family.

Then there were opportunities to dig a little deeper; my values were challenged more than once, I was told how to give. This is how much you should give, This is how you need to track your giving and don’t do it the way you have been doing, it doesn’t benefit us. Or, we don’t want you to do that this time, we are going to save it for another time. I was hurt, I was confused, I caved…
It crept in slowly this doubt and fear of lack. I was told how to give. At first I was upset. How dare you tell me how I should give! With that anger came resentment, detachment, and the loss of my conviction. I’ll show them…

Instead I got a lesson from these teachers. I did it their way, and kept a running tab of how much and where I was giving my time, talent and treasure. It became a distraction this having to keep track. Again I was giving to get. Making sure I got mine first.

Huh, was this the same as my past behaviors? Was I once again putting others first? Yes, I had put their opinions and ideas before my own. I was starting to see and believe in lack. Not my happy place. Now this didn’t come all at once, I heard many stories about how the economy is so tough right now; real stories of how people are struggling.  Maybe I better be careful, not give too much, there might not be enough...

Now I am a believer in The Secret, The Law of Attraction. I have seen evidence that it works. So what was I attracting?

Ah ha, In my fear of not enough, that is what I was seeing. Not the reality. The facts were, thankfully, our income hadn’t changed. I now had more time than I ever had. So what was it?

I had believed the opinions of others; I had put their beliefs before my own, again. Ugh! Okay so a deeper lesson. Am I giving to give? Or am I giving to get?

My heart, the real me knows that there is always enough and what I put out to the world will always come back and I don’t have to keep track. I can trust.

So getting back to the most recent opportunity to learn this lesson. I volunteered to give of myself again, It started from an innocent place of giving to give, and snow-balled into frantic, hurried, fear and lack. I was now giving to get. I wanted recognition. I wanted appreciation. I wanted to be reimbursed. I was only seeing what I could get.

Now the real me knows, truly knows that I may not know how this comes back to me fully. It could be so much more than the dollar amount on the receipts. It could be what propels my personal growth and expands my trust in myself.

Recently I had a conversation (with my daughter) that brought this awareness. I have been thinking about whether I am giving to give or giving to get. Do I expect to receive and keep track of the ways that I want to be compensated or do I trust in the knowing that what I give does come back and I may not know how that will manifest?

I do know that it is all-ways for my own good and the good of everyone. Ah, taking a breath. For this is the truth, It feels right with me. I believe in abundance.

I was reminded of this in an email this morning… I can give the gift of giving. I come from my heart, I use discernment, and I let it go knowing that I am blessed in so many ways. I am so grateful for this deeper awareness. I am grateful for the lessons, I am grateful for the teachers I cursed. I offer and I ask for forgiveness.

“And just think of the ripple effect!”

Namaste, Eileen Owen CFLC
All-Ways Blooming

"Every day "the score" is even. Every second, in fact.? Everyone lives each day for him or herself, no matter what they did. ?No one owes anything to anyone, no matter what happened.? And from this, what I hope you most get, is that whatever you do next, you do it for the joy it brings you."
Joyfully,? The Universe

Comments (1)

1. Carolyn said on 1/5/11 - 06:34PM
Dear braveheart, thank you for sharing yourself with us. namaste, Carolyn

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